become a mother for the first time, it is one of those rare events that always blessed you, but change just because it is intended to be one of the best times of your life, does not mean it will be easier (or even come naturally). For many of you, mommyhood remains a distant idea, but most likely have relatives who are starting this new venture and have an understanding of what they are experiencing is important and friends. For others, the idea of forming a family is a little closer on the horizon, perhaps even with an imminent expiry date! And you are scouring the Internet for as much information as you can get.
The fact is that motherhood is not for the faint of heart-especially the first few months. For many of us who have spent most of our adult life the last word. We have been able to spur plans dinner time, spend a lazy Sunday in bed, brushing our hair when necessary, and even pee in private, which happens to be one of the most appreciated luxuries life. (To this day, my child, Tallulah, routinely the door of our bathroom opens, comes, he points and says “mama” and back out. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.)
Honestly, I could probably offer a hundred different things I think a new mom should know, but every experience is so different and each child is so unique, that even a long list that would not cover everything. With this in mind, I put together feel being the top 10 things every new mom (and partners as well as grandparents and aunt, and BFF) should know.
1. Things can not go to plan
This can be a pretty soul-crushing realization for new moms. You spend all this time in preparation, but as soon as it comes to its small everything goes right out the window. For me, I have a tendency to be a little obsessive (read: borderline crazy). When my daughter was born, my husband equipped with their recommended weekly feeding and sleeping card complete with clipboard and checkboxes! Needless to say, do not even make it through a single day. My daughter arrived and had his own ideas of what life would be … for all of us.
kinds of child care often recommend that new parents to create a birth plan and creating one can be a great resource for medical equipment (not to mention, you and your peace partner of mind give), but remember that just because a delivery plan to go way, not necessarily that it will guarantee. He had an obstetrician action with me that more than 80% of births are not aligned with scheduled delivery plan.
That said, if you feel prepared helps calm the nerves, keep doing what you’re doing. But if the wheels fall off the train (and usually do), go easy on yourself. If you are having problems with production of milk or can not get your baby to sleep, do not give up (I read nine books sleeping and could not still get my daughter to sleep). We love this little human so much and wants to make everything perfect for him or her … but please remember that just because things are not going to plan, does not mean you’re not doing a good job.
2. The bonding with the baby can take time
We’ve all heard the stories about how the moment a child is born not celestial euphoria that bathes the new mother … but that’s not always the case. To be fair, I happened the moment I set eyes on my daughter, but largely attributed to morphine (which had a C-section, which is another story).
Many new parents not believes that instant, the heart exploiting the connection for days, weeks or even months, and listen closely: that’s okay! When her five-week-old has spent the last four hours screaming at the top of his little lungs, for no apparent reason, you may find yourself cursing that fresh face new mom in Instagram has published a autofoto that flows from the much he is enjoying every moment of motherhood (which probably had the audacity to have brushed her hair and put on lip gloss too). And the guilt you feel could even make you question “what is wrong with me?”
The answer? Nothing. That overwhelming, inductors tear, can not-live-without-you-love for your little one person will come, I promise, but do not worry if it is not there immediately. You’re in good company, I swear.
3. To say that s
This is not the time to be shy. If a friend asks make dinner , say yes. If your mother-in-law wants to keep the baby for an hour so you can go for a walk, say yes. If the lady sitting next to you on the plane offers hold your baby so you can use the bathroom, say yes. (Ok, so trust your newborn with a perfect stranger that might be a stretch … but you’re on a plane, where you going?). I was reluctant to leave my newborn with my mother for an hour so he could go to the grocery store with my husband, but until the day of the date the best I’ve had in my life.
4. Breastfeeding is hard
going to hear a lot about the importance of breastfeeding, and might be surprised how passionate some people can be. Although he had always planned to breastfeed my daughter, I was not one of the staunchest defenders. If it did not work for us, we switched to formula. My plan was to breastfeed for six months and, where possible, start pumping and freezing enough for her to be in the breast milk of their first year. I took classes, bought the gear, and even invested in a freezer for storage. After two disastrous episodes of mastitis (infection of the breast tissue) and weeks wince through food, my supply was depleted side. The more stressed I became, the less I was able to produce. After two and half months, I was done and absolutely devastated and freezer ended up being used for frozen foods (refer back to # 1).
Nobody knows your trip, so no one should pass judgment. If breastfeeding is not the best choice for your family, that’s totally fine. You can still be a wonderful father and have a healthy and happy baby if you decide for artificial feeding. And if you decide to breastfeed, that is too big and a wonderful way to bond with the baby, but go easy on yourself. It is often a bumpy start and for some mothers can take real work. In the end, just you do what you feel is best and do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.
5. Find Support
Your sister may have three children under five years old and his best friend may be due four months earlier, but it will not be as useful as you might think. The first months are a roller coaster so that the only people who can sympathize with you are going through the same thing at the same time. I suggest that all new mothers join a group of parents. Most classes families whose babies are within a few weeks of each other are grouped, so everyone is more or less related to similar issues simultaneously. It is a surprisingly often a much needed resource-and output.
6. Their relationship will be tested
For those of you lucky enough to begin this journey with an obedient companion by your side, it is important to know that can grow to temporarily refuse this person. Do not panic … it is totally normal. My husband is the most supportive compassionate couple who could not have asked, but could not help but hate him. I was home all day with a little human attached to the teat and he had returned to work (with the ability to walk to a coffee shop to check Facebook or silent). I began to resent the freedom we had to return to his life. And when I was selfish enough to get the flu when our daughter was seven weeks old, I actually threw a shoe at him.
The good news is that when a new life begins to find his rhythm, things between you and your partner will soften. Forming a family is the most extraordinary experience I could ever share with someone, so there are bound to be ups and downs. I remember seeing my husband back and forth in a glider for two hours with our baby sleeping on his chest and thought, “I have never wanted more.” Later that week I told him I could not stand because there was no one salted caramel macaroon in the picture took me. (I still think it was a huge oversight on their part.)
7. Give yourself Six Months
After your baby is born, not we hope to break back into your pre-pregnancy-brain or clothing! For most women, it takes about six months for your body and hormones to begin to normalize. We live in a culture where women are expected to move into their skinny jeans before leaving the hospital, but that’s absurd. It is true that there are few rare ones for which the weight just falls off, but 99.9% of us, it’ll take some time.
To be honest, the great struggle of weight is only one of many things new mothers will experience. Once delivered, either naturally or by caesarean section, you will need time to recover. It’s bigger joke of mother nature: just when you need lots of sleep, your baby will be more or less prevented from receiving either. During the first weeks, hormones cause in complete tailspin. Only you accept now that will spend hours sobbing irrationally and are forced to use sanitary napkins titanic. The positive side is that everything is temporary. You’ll be back to your old self soon enough, which is all the time that your hair starts to break or come off, but I think I’ve said enough on the matter for the moment.
8. It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself
being a new mom is hard and sometimes thrown good, game last compassion fashion is just what the doctor ordered.
Fun fact: most newborns are nocturnal. While in the womb, babies are bounced off to sleep all day for mothers-to-be active and therefore spend most nights hanging around. It takes a while for little ones and to adjust each baby will be find out, but in the meantime, new mothers have to go easy on themselves. There is no time more alone than 3 a.m. when his new little human needs and has not slept in days. Your little one is restless, irritable and confused, and all you can do is rock, silence and pray that he or she will fall asleep again.
If all else fails … mourn. Sometimes all you can do is mourn with them. Not necessarily help your baby fall asleep, but occasionally a new mom deserves a good cry. Things always seem much more difficult in the middle of the night, so it is entirely appropriate to feel sorry for yourself. Just remember that you are doing your best!
(One tip: Swaddle .. Many new moms will say “my baby does not like the swaddle,” but if that is the case, simply he or she tighter wrap There is no science behind of it, but it’s easier just take my word for it.)
9. Stop comparing
yourself. Your classmate. Your baby. Stop.
Many roads lead to Rome, so do not expect your trip is identical to any other. If your little man is not dragging the exact week that Week first year of your baby a week tells you that he or she should be, it is totally fine. There is nothing wrong with your baby, and there’s nothing wrong with their upbringing. These guidelines are just that … guides. Not be chained to them. And on that note, do not look over the fence in the yard of another. The fact that the husband of her best friend is your home every night during bath time does not mean that your partner has dropped the ball. The grass is not always greener and no situation is perfect. Not even Beyoncé (which could actually be a lie).
10. Listen to your mother instincts
Even if you do not believe have evolved yet … trust yourself. With all the opinions you hear and countless books released in its way, a new mother should do what works for her and her baby. Do not feel pressured to guilted or anything that is not working for your family.
Above all, the only thing I can say to a new parent with absolute certainty is … this too shall pass. In principle, everything is a phase or phase, and the things that keep you up at night now become second nature in time or no longer be a problem.
A few pieces bonus tips:
- do not invest in newborn clothes. They’ll be in a diaper and swaddle most of the time, and exceed all in one week.
- clean hospital room. Blankets, hats, diapers, ice (for you, not the baby), thermometers … anything that is not nailed
- More ugly best. Elegant and minimalist gear that looks great with its aesthetics family room is not going to hold the attention of a baby. I fought the swing Fisher-Price … and the price swing Fischer won.
Finally, all mothers and soon-to-be mothers who is doing great job and his little person is very lucky to have you as a mom. XO
What other words of advice would share with the new breasts?
I love to hear your own thoughts below.